These Advice shared by A Parent That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the actual experience quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to talk among men, who continue to hold onto damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to take a pause - spending a few days away, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a family member, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."